the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
