so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
