I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
