Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
