Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
Randomize
