She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
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