Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
