Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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