well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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