I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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