Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
