my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I need to sanitize my soul.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
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