chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
