I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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