Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
