Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
