he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
