If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize