I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
