he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I intend to get homeless drunk
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
Randomize
