she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
