Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Rumble strips road head = magical
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize