Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorry my hands just texted you
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize