He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Randomize
