are you still at the devil's house?
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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