apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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