so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
