plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
