I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize