if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
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