Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
