Screwed.edu
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
