just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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