Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
