Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Randomize
