Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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