Kareoke will never be a sober sport
covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
