We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
