Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
