I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Randomize
