Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
