thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
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