she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
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