I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Randomize
