It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize