she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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