So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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