i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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