he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
