in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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