My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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