NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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