i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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