dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
i would punch a child for taco bell
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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