All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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