fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
He still want's to kick my ass for fucking his sister, probably a bad idea to leave the bar with his ex...
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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