I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
