We're facebook friends in real life
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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