So drunk its hurt
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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