Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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