so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
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