my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
