Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
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