If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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