Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
What a dumb baby whore.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
