ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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