Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
