he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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