this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
