OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Randomize
